First ever post

10/6/15

I am choosing to write a blog that will be the place where I can express myself as I learn how to be happy.  I have decided that it is time for me to be happy, even though I’m not even sure how to be that.  And I don’t know when the last time was that I had regular fun in a way that measured up to my expectations.  Somewhere along the line I seem to have put the kibosh on ‘fun’ and have opted for living a life that is more about satisfaction and comfort instead.  Sometimes I forget though and I can laugh out loud so my eyes wrinkle up and my cheeks are all podgy and my throat opens up and my belly laughs.  Those moments are gold.  Those are the moments I am going to try and cultivate from here. In the last 10 years or so, I have spent a lot of time on and off caring for what is labelled depression and all the things that go with that.  I think I must have unconsciously opted for the middle road of comfort as a result, because its easier there.

The last month or so I have been struggling, I can see it clearly now.  In the past I would say “I feel like I have got depression again”.  And I might look at increasing my very low dose of medication to cover it.  Little tell-tale signs, short tethered, impatient, lacking confidence, overly tired and un-enthused, consumed with little niggly issues, fuzzy head/logic.  Yep, in the past I’d probably say “I’ve got depression again” but over the last year or so I’ve reasoned that it is possible I can find another way to review these feelings, this state, that will get me through better.

I am Buddhist.  I have a strong interest in being true to myself.  Even though in Buddhism we believe there is no inherent ‘self’ in the ‘self’.  we are all made up of compounded factors (our skin, our blood, the oxygen that we breathe, our experiences, our conscious choices etc) there is nothing inherent about the self, it relies on all the elements of it’s human-being-ness to live and experience life.  There are so many practices from Tibetan Buddhists about mind training that help.  I am leaning on those practices more than I have before and seeing  how I go.

This blog is going to be a place where I can explore my efforts and my new emphasis towards being happy, I can share with myself and anyone else interested in my honest efforts.  I hope by putting it ‘online’ I will stay accountable and keep going this way.  It’s a little bit scary.  I would also love it if others post their experiences and stories and things they have found useful in their lives.  This is a blog for proactive living towards happiness and more joy.

Just yesterday I googled ‘Depression + Dalai Lama’ because I wanted to find out what His Holiness had to say about depression from the Buddhist perspective.  There weren’t many posts that matched my search so I put in another Google search ‘Happiness + Dalai Lama’ and guess what, there were heaps of posts.  So I spent the afternoon listening to teachings on Happiness.  I felt better for it.  Comforted.

I have a dear friend who is further ahead in his practice than I am, he is sort of like a teacher to me.  He reminds me often that I have a very real choice on how I’m going to use my mind, that any mind state is a ‘mind over mind’ really.  He reminds me with conviction that I am indeed inherently good (as we all are) and that if I only keep practising the Dharma and training my mind then I will eventually get to a place whereby this habit of mine of dwelling in difficulty when it arises will eventually be over-ruled and so much weakened that it will no longer create problems.

I want this to be a real account of my finding true happiness and joy in my life. After all, I am 42.  Isn’t that the answer to everything???  

End quote:  You can’t be happy and sad at the same time, it is not possible.  So choose to be happy.

Best wishes everyone.
TeVee