Today.

12/6/15

I have noticed some little differences in myself since committing to my happiness.  My mind’s-eye is keener, I have caught myself a couple of times feeling a bit down in the mouth, heavy in the belly and I have made conscious effort to get myself away from there, to rephrase my thought or look for a better feeling.  It’s sort of like having a goal keeper on alert to fend off negativity.

Yesterday I went for my first run in about 2 weeks.  It was just for 30 minutes but it was enough to get out in the winter sun and get the endorphins going and blood pumping all around my body.  A thought crossed my mind while I was running in regards to the bit I wrote about ‘not having felt happy for a long time’ and that thought was ‘perhaps I could lower the bar of my expectations’… relax up some more and actively try and let more fun and enjoyment into my life NOW.  I thought that was a good idea.  So I’m trying that.  From now.  Gulp.

I talked at different times with various female friends yesterday about how the last month had been and how I just didn’t want to go on nursing my life that way.  I had got to a point where I had had enough of it.  I had persevered through that stormy month with as much diligence and determination as I could muster, reached out as I needed and had battened down the hatches and gone with it.  In response, my various friends told me they too know the struggles, whether caused by hormonal, seasonal, lifestyle or chemical reasons, they too go through their own stormy waters.  Actually, we all do in our own ways.

There is a thing about sharing that leads to connection between people and that is one reason I am doing this blog for.  If just one person benefits from what is posted here, then it is worthwhile.  And if that one person happens to be me, then that too is awesome.  If you are reading this, please share too if anything comes to mind, this is set up to be a proactive forum generally around the subject of happiness and what it takes to be that.

My Buddhist name given to me by our Tibetan Rinpoche happens to translate to ‘Joyful Perseverance’, he gave me that name 3 years ago and I believed then as I do now it is apt for me.  I’ve always been good at persevering, just the joyful bit wasn’t always there.   I am trying with all my might to drop the negativity malarkey and pick up the happiness gem.  It takes mind training.  Thank Buddha for Buddha I say!

Next week I have booked an appointment with a Medical Herbalist, she has been recommended to me by a friend and I am going with an open mind.  My friend recommends this particular Herbalist as she has been most helpful for helping her with her Endometriosis.  I have experienced massive issues with Endometriosis for more than 20 years, only in the last 4 years have these been diagnosed and addressed.  Before it was diagnosed it was agony and it was hellish.

Last year I witnessed with my own eyes a transformation of someone I know who had a few physical ailments (trouble losing weight and had skin/hair issues), well after seeing a Herbalist for a comprehensive appointment, getting a tonic purpose made for her, those issues improved noticeably and dramatically and that friend was obviously feeling much better.  Who knows, maybe there are imbalances in me that this Herbalist will identify.

Here’s a nice quote I found on hope.  “I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you” C. Joybell C.

Best wishes

Tiffany